When I was younger I would maintain when ill that I was going to stay in bed all day. My Mum would always tell me that it makes you feel better to put clothes on, and by midday I would normally have given up and located myself on the sofa to watch endless films in some form of slobby clothing. Throughout university so far I have always maintained that I would rather get up and go do something than mope around feeling sorry for myself, even dragging myself into lectures and sitting with similarly ill friends at the back, looking like death.
Today I gave up. Yesterday, completely out of nowhere, I suddenly had yet another horrific cold, which left me looking scary even though I didn’t feel that bad, despite being unable to be away from a tissue for more than 10 seconds. And this went on all day. After going to bed very late – we had a bit of a Mexican fiesta and it was too much fun to miss – I decided to sleep until I woke up. This turned out to be about 10 this morning, but I still felt rough, so I put on a documentary. I paused this about halfway through and fell back to sleep for another hour.
Thus my day fell into a pattern of watching TV I’ve been meaning to catch up on, then finding something exciting in the recommendations bar and starting to watch that (and eating a whole bar of Cadbury’s Turkish Delight chocolate). This went on until about 5, when I ventured downstairs and did some washing up from last night so that I could have a plate for dinner. This was, naturally, leftover Mexican food.
Now here I sit, having finally stopped watching awful telly (I really could have carried on), done my reading for uni (I’m not sure it’s a good thing that I find myself wanting to kill most of the writers we have to read), and having stayed in my pyjamas all day. I did contemplate changing into normal clothes when I did the washing up, but by that point it just seemed too late in the day when I already seemed to have fully committed myself. I am literally torn in two about this incredibly lazy decision. Half of me is really glad I did it, as I now feel a hell of a lot better. But the other half feels gross, wants to wash her hair, and is insisting that it was probably just a 24 hour bug.
The one person who I thought would really judge me – my Mum – actually turned out to be all in favour of my day. She told me that I need to be kind to myself, but I wonder if she is overcompensating for this week’s blows (I was told that I didn’t get an interview to work for Lidl because I was underqualified. Having worked in a supermarket for three years. Depressed Tania insisted that I am going to die alone and on the streets and it just wasn’t pretty). Turns out she also stayed in bed until lunchtime today though, although she is actually unwell and I am just melodramatic. Her support was nice though. We had a massive chat on the phone the other morning and it was lovely – she always makes me feel better.
My mind is just confused by this version of myself. After so many years of barely being capable of staying in bed past 10, I struggle to wake up (yesterday I was in bed until almost midday, but I maintain that was because I had a really bad nightmare and clearly didn’t sleep properly). Before I could barely stand the telly, now I will spend a whole day just watching nonsense. To be honest, I am not a fan, but I am stuck in this vicious cycle and nothing I try to do can get me out of it. Combined with struggling to exercise because of my knee it’s just a nightmare! Today’s workout actually looks pretty focused away from knee-type moves, so I’m possibly going to give that a go tomorrow because what I should be doing is all about the legs and has all sorts of moves on the knees. I have become that person who feels bad about not doing exercise everyday. At least it’s motivating me to drag my bum out of bed tomorrow!
Healthy eating makes me feel better. Exercise makes me feel better. A new development is that being almost caffeine free is making me feel better too. After having a cup of coffee-shop coffee the other day and shaking violently for a couple of hours I realised that it might be a better move to give up the caffeine and invested in both decaf tea and coffee. They also boost my feeling-like-a-good-person factor as I bought fairtrade (I was in the Co-op, it was either fairtrade or ridiculously expensive brands to be honest). I say almost because of the caffeine in chocolate. Although I probably should give up chocolate, it just isn’t going to happen. But I have eaten all of the Cadbury’s now. Thus my healthy regimen can return in full force tomorrow.
Although I am kind of disappointed in myself, I cannot promise that it won’t happen again if I catch something else – this is the third time in four weeks and I am going crazy!